The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything
by Callie Wilson
Summary: Basically some stupid little thing I wrote. It's a year after the curse storyline, and Jack's crew goes crazy. Features "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything" from Veggietales


(A/N: Okay, my first POTC fic attempt. It's stupid. Random. Pointless. And EVERYONE is OOC. So.yay!)  
  
It had been about a year since the curse had been lifted, and Captain Jack Sparrow was happier than ever to finally be back on the Pearl. He took a swig of rum as he stared out at the open ocean. Suddenly, he heard a bit of music coming from somewhere. He turned to look at his roguish crew of pirates.  
  
Almost instantly the music grew louder, and the entire crew burst out with, "We are the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything! We just stay home and lie around. And if you ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you. . . we don't do anything!"  
  
Jack was confused. He stumbled around drunkenly a bit and said, "I don't quite understand what's going on. You're on a bloody boat. You're singing. If you're going to sing, sing 'A Pirate's Life for Me,' not some stupid song about not doing anything. Where'd you learn that anyway?"  
  
Mr. Gibbs looked up at him for a second and gave him a huge grin. He winked at him before breaking into song again. "Well, I've never been Greenland and I've never been to Denver, and I've never buried treasure in St. Louis or St. Paul, and I've never been to Moscow and I've never been to Tampa, and I've never been to Boston in the fall."  
  
Jack stared a little at him. "Well, Mate, neither have I. Do you happen to know where these places are, because I'd be more than happy to take you there, if you really want."  
  
Once again the crew broke into song, this time doing some sort of choreographed dance. "'Cuz we're the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything! We just stay home and lie around. And if you ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you. . ."  
  
Anamaria jumped on top of a few crates and yelled, "We don't do anything!"  
  
Jack walked towards the group, his hands up, and eyes darting around. "Now, I really don't know where exactly you had the time to rehear- oof!" Jack's head was kicked to the side by Anamaria's foot as she jumped off the crates. "I did NOT deserve that."  
  
Anamaria suddenly broke out into song herself. "And I never hoist the mainstay and I never swab the poop deck, and I never veer to starboard 'cuz I never sail at all, and I've never walked the gang plank and I've never owned a parrot, and I've never been to Boston in the fall."  
  
Jack, still holding his cheek where he was kicked, walked over to Anamaria. "If you really want a parrot, love, just ask Mr. Cotton if you can borrow his, and I'm not sure what you're talking about with not sailing, because I thought that, being on a boat on the water WAS sailing."  
  
The crew almost instantly circled Jack and began singing and dancing again. "'Cuz we're the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything! We just stay at home and lie around. And if you ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you. . .We don't do anything!"  
  
Jack sighed and leaned on a crate, waiting for the next bit of song to come. Mr. Cotton's parrot flew to the crate next to him and began singing, "Well, I've never plucked a rooster and I'm not too good at  
  
ping-pong, and I've never thrown my mashed potatoes up against the wall, and I've never kissed a chipmunk and I've never gotten head lice, and I've never been to Boston in the fall!"  
  
Jack suddenly looked up. The parrot had certainly learned a lot more words than he thought. "What are you talking about? What's a rooster and mashed potatoes have to do with being a pirate??" Jack asked the bird.  
  
"Hey, that's right!" came a voice. Jack looked down and saw Bob (you know the little person pirate, I don't know his name, I'm giving him one.) "We're supposed to sing about pirate-y things!" he continued.  
  
The bird looked down at Bob and simply squawked.  
  
Jack nodded. "And who ever kissed a chipmunk? That's just nonsense! Why even bring it up? Am I right? What do you think?"  
  
Bob looked at him for a second. "I think you look like Cap'n Crunch."  
  
Jack looked around. "Who's he? Are we under attack? Who in the bloody universe is Captain Crunch?"  
  
"You're making me hungry."  
  
"I'm not sure I follow you, mate. Who is Captain Crunch?"  
  
Bob was silent.  
  
"Tell me who is Captain Crunch before I make you walk the plank!" Jack demanded, standing up, making himself considerably taller than Bob.  
  
"Who are you to make me walk the plank?" he retorted.  
  
"I'm Captain Jack Sparrow! Now who is Captain Crunch?"  
  
"He's got that cereal. Cap'n Crunch. Crunchberries. You know?"  
  
Jack raised an eyebrow. "Er, no I don't, mate. Sorry about that."  
  
Suddenly the parrot squawked and broke into song again. "And I've never licked a spark plug and I've never sniffed a stink bug, and I've never painted daisies on a big red rubber ball, and I've never bathed in yogurt and I don't look good in leggings ..."  
  
"You just don't get it, mate," Jack said looking down.  
  
Then the crew all started to sing again. "And we've never been to Boston in the fall!"  
  
"Where is this Bloody Boston place?!"  
  
"Jack? Are you okay?"  
  
Jack blinked a few times and found himself at the helm, with Mr. Gibbs looking at him quite strangely. "Ah, yes, I'm doing quite fine. But I have a lovely song to teach the crew. . ."  
  
(A/N: lol. . .okay. . .that's it. That's my stupid story. I hope you enjoyed it. Read and Review. Or die.) 


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